Thanksgiving 2007

I feel like I have no words today. I wish that I was writing this from my dad’s desk. I wish that I had lots of funny, whiny complaints for you about how my family was driving me crazy. Unfortunately today, I only have the crazy. My brother is going to be removed from life support within the next couple of days. My parents have made arrangements for organ donation so that he can still live on (in spite of my brother’s actions I suppose). Once the organ donation is sorted out they’ll remove the tubes. Since he is not really breathing on his own, it should be very quick.

He must have been planning this for a while. His wife told me that he had given the landlord his rent check at the beginning of the month but asked him to hold it and not cash it until after the 19th.

I’m angry that he couldn’t just have told us that he wasn’t coming home. My mom would have been really upset and sad but he could have saved her from the world of pain he’s now given her. Maybe he felt that it was one more failure and he couldn’t bear it. I want to shake him and say, man up a**hole!

My husband told P all about it last night. I was on my way upstairs too but the phone kept ringing. She and I will talk about it more. He told her that her uncle had a sickness in his head that made him want to hurt himself. She had been really looking forward to traveling to my parents house and having Thanksgiving there. They’ve been studying it in school the whole month. He said that he looked at her and she had big honking tears streaming down her face. When we were talking about it afterwards G got all choked up. He’s mad at my brother for hurting his baby. We’re going to try to make a nice homey Thanksgiving here for her (and for us). I left work early yesterday and bought a bunch of food. I think I might have been the only one tearing up in the produce aisle.

I’m not sure what else to say right now. I’m thankful for my life – even with all the crap that 2007 has bestowed upon me. I’m so very thankful for my husband. He is truly my rock. I fall in love with my daughter every day. She is my light and I love the person that she is becoming. I know that my brother didn’t have that. Lots of people loved him but he didn’t know it, or didn’t want to know it.

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