Monthly Archives: May 2008

Master of None

I’ve been struggling a little bit lately. After all my excitement about the potential employment opportunities at the yet unamed big box store I’ve come to realize that they are not quite as excited about me. I know I’m handling this all wrong but it just seems to be part of the package for now. I was stopped in there for a couple of things this morning after I dropped P off. I didn’t have any makeup on, I have coffee breath, I’m listening to my ipod and I walked right past the store’s general manager that I met with last week. I just smiled and said hi and she said hi back. I know I should have stopped and taken off the headphones and chatted her up a little bit but I just didn’t want to. I would really like to work there but I don’t like feeling like I have to be ready for a potential job interview everytime I want to go in there.

Since I’m job hunting I’m spending a lot of time looking over my resume and writing cover letters extolling my many talents and experiences and while this should be making me feel good about everything that I’ve accomplished it is just not. I’ve been feeling more like a failure lately. I know that I’m a pretty good wife and my daughter is a star. Seriously, she was reading to me from “Haroun and the Sea of Stories” by Salman Rushdie last night. Folks, she is 5 years old and she hasn’t even been to Kindergarten yet. I can take pride in her successes – whatever part I’ve had in them . . . but I’m having a lot of trouble taking pride in what I’ve done. I studied drama in college and did nothing with it (not that I want to start anything like that now). I’ve bounced around in many different fields since school and I’ve done a lot of different things but I’m starting to look back and think how much time I’ve wasted. It probably has a lot to do with my brother. I know that he struggled with a lot of the same things in his life. He was a brilliant guy who never really found his way in the world. I don’t even know if I’m half as smart as he was.

Oh, and it is freezing and raining out AGAIN! This is definitely not helping my mood here. They keep saying that we are going to have a nice weekend. I hope that they are right because I could really use a little sunshine right about now.

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Trawlin’

After I dropped P off at school this morning I went and applied for a job at a local big box store. I said that I was interested in the early morning signage/stocking/presentation position. The hours are 4am to 1pm which I think that I could work with. I’d need some very strong coffee of course. If I were to do it during the week, I’d have to have a lot of help from my husband and child. He’d have to get her up and get her to school on his way to his train. He’d only have to leave a little later than he does now. He’s always complaining that he doesn’t get to spend enough time with her – it would allow for more of the kind of “quality time” that she and I enjoy every day. Actually, she’s been a lot better in the mornings since we came back from Disney. She was sick so much during the winter that she probably just felt like crap every morning and didn’t hesitate to make sure that I knew ALL about it. I still have to prompt her to get her butt moving and to refrain from doing things like washing her hands for ten minutes at a time, etc., but our mornings have been so much nicer lately. I have still been getting her up at the same time each day even though I’m not working. I plan on getting something soon and I don’t want her to get too used to getting up late, etc. It will make it that much harder when things do improve. See, I’m trying to be very optimistic here!! I’ve been trawlin’ for jobs on the internet. As usual, it is slim pickins around here. Either the money is very poor or it is way too far away to consider it.

P’s school is holding a Mother’s Day “Tea” tomorrow morning and I told her that we could leave together afterwards. It is supposed to pour down rain all day tomorrow but we should still have a nice time together. We are hosting both sets of Moms here this weekend. My Mom still may have to work on Sunday so we’ll probably end up doing it on Saturday but that is no big deal. I still have to figure out what I’m feeding everyone!! I’ll really miss having Alice here this year. I was curious so I took a peek in her garage yesterday and was surprised to see that her car was still in there. We haven’t seen anyone doing anything with her house at all. I’m sure there’s a whole civilization’s worth of critters living in the house by now. Poor Alice she’d be so upset at that thought.

Drat!

Drat double drat!! I got layed off from my job today. It was supposed to happen last Friday but I called out because P had a terrible cough so I kept her home. It wasn’t strepp like I thought it was going to be, just a really bad ear infection. The doctor actually made a face when she looked in P’s ear. It was filled with oozing, green pus and she made sure to show me her disgust when she told me about it. I don’t know how I was supposed to know this. That’s what I took her to the doctor for! It is not like I can whip out my handy home otoscope whenever P starts rubbing her ear funny. Our oozing pus kept me from being canned on Friday and put it off until basically first thing Monday morning. I was working for a manufacturer/importer that basically has just one major retailer customer. Apparently, that customer isn’t buying as much “junque” as they have in the past and they couldn’t justify keeping me. The current state of the economy isn’t really allowing people to have much disposable income. They’re buying less junque hence I have less of a job bringing it to them. I’m pretty much blaming President Bush for this latest setback in my life. Why not, isn’t he to blame for so much already? My boss was very sad when she told me. She sweetly told me that I was one of the smartest people that she had ever met. I feel smart sometimes and even very smart occasionally but what good does that do me? I’ve started the hunt again. I hope that maybe I can figure something different out this time. I’m not sure what that will be yet but I’m hoping that something, anything will come to me.

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