I listened to the names today. It took forever for my work computer to get through the “buffering” because I guess the wnyc site was getting a lot of requests at the same time. I was patient and was able to hear about 3/4’s of them. It’s amazing how easy it is to get back to that sad place that I was lost in for so long. I felt pretty good this year in the days leading up to today. But now that the day is here I’m feeling the cut especially deeply after losing Mike. Many of the name readers spoke personally about how they still miss their loved ones as strongly as ever. I don’t have a lot of experience with grief like this but I guess that the feeling never fades. I can’t help but thinking that 9/11 was the beginning of some kind of end for him. He really took it personally I think. When they attacked his beloved NYC in such a vicious way whatever faith he had in the fundamental goodness of people was attacked as well. It was hard for him to really find hope after it happened. I don’t think that he was looking hard enough.
A Very Bright Spot
I received a phone call from my daughter’s teacher today. She said that she did her reading assessments with the class today and that P tested beyond the parameters of her test. The top level of her test is a 28 which is an advanced 2nd grade reading level. P tested at a 44 which is a 4th – 5th grade reading level. Her teacher seemed very excited by this and was telling me about the plan they are putting together for P. I’m so proud of my little baby!! This is definitely a very bright spot in an otherwise sad and somber day. This is something that gives ME hope and helps me to be excited about the future. I can’t wait to see what she’s going to do.