Monthly Archives: May 2010

I almost missed it

I found myself feeling kind of lonely this holiday weekend. I didn’t think ahead and had no plans outside of hanging with my family, going to the Flea Market with them on Saturday and barbecuing for them on Sunday. It was the most gorgeous Memorial Day Weekend I can think of in a long time. We had a beautiful day on the Monday last year but this year it was nice on Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday. The weather outside just made me feel a little worse about not having anything really “special” to do. As I find myself getting more into my blogging and Twitter and Facebook I find that I’m craving some analog friend time. I’ve had issues with loneliness throughout my life. It’s always been hard for me to make friends and as I get older it doesn’t get any easier. I think it just gets harder. When I am out in social situations these days, especially ones that don’t involve my daughter, I feel like I’m always just the friend of a friend. I wish I were a more social person so that I could model that type of life for my daughter. I had a shy mom and I was a shy kid. My daughter can be shy and has a hard time with change. I just want her to have the skill set that helps her when her friends change around. I had a really hard time transitioning from 6th grade in elementary school to 7th grade in Junior High. Most of my friends met new friends and formed new groups and I was stuck wanting everything to be the way that it was before. It wasn’t until I started doing theater in 8th grade that I found a new way to make friends. I want things to be easier for her. Anyway all these lonely feelings came down on me early on Sunday morning. I was loading the laundry into the washer and just got so sad. I told Glenn about it and he hugged me and made me feel a little better. Later on he was going out for a bike ride and he had set up a lawn chair for me to watch Piper from as she played in the sprinkler. She asked me if I wanted to go in the sprinkler too. I really didn’t. The thought of finding a bathing suit that I was happy with and then putting it on to run around my side yard in full view of the street frankly did not thrill me. Who in their right mind would want to put on a bathing suit when their gut protrudes further than their bust? But she really wanted me to do it and so I did. We had an absolute blast playing and dancing in the water. I had a really fun time. We ran through it and played limbo in it and challenged each other to get as wet as possible and then to keep as dry as possible. We even prepared a little skit to do for Glenn when he got back from his ride. After rehearsing it a couple of times we decided to give the water a rest and dry off on the towels on the grass a little bit. We watched the clouds in the sky and tried to see what we could see. Then she turned to me and said, “Aren’t you glad you didn’t miss this Mommy?” And I was, I was very glad that I didn’t miss it.

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Camper Marisa

We took a little trip to the Stormville Flea Market today. It was really fun. We almost didn’t make it. The traffic was so bad on the way there that it seemed like we’d never get there. We persevered and problem solved and found another route that put us seconds from the entrance. It was a good lesson for us all I think. Piper did the most shopping at the flea market. She got some doll house stuff and some other little things. Her biggest find was this little doll: Camper Marisa! I told her that when I was little I couldn’t find anything with my name printed on it. NOTHING. Of course the name Marissa is very popular now but you almost always see it spelled with one S. Not correct! Sometime after we bought Camper Marisa I saw a tent that had a sign above it that said, “Marisa’s Collectables”. I had to go in and see if that Marisa was really a Marisa or a Marissa pretender. I walked in the back and saw a woman putting things in bags. I asked, “are you Marisa?” She said that she was. I said well I’m a Marisa too and I showed her the doll. I knew that she’d appreciate it and she did. I told her that I couldn’t believe that I had just seen two public Marisa’s in one day. What are the odds of that?

The actress Marisa Tomei guest starred on Seinfeld once. She pronounces her name Marissa. Throughout the episode they said her name about a thousand times, especially George. I remember watching and thinking that if she pronounced it like I do it would have freaked me out. I can’t imagine hearing my name publicly chanted like that. Seriously, my brain might have exploded from the Marisa overload.

I also wanted to share this picture. I’ve decided that in the future when we all have Jet Packs and can go into space at will, I definitely want to party with this guy!

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Childhood Bling

My daughter’s new ring she got at a school birthday party. The birthday boy’s mom also brought plastic flowers but all the girls wanted the giant diamond rings. Who wouldn’t? She’s wearing it with her charm bracelet. Please note that the puffy heart says, “Mommy’s Girl”.

The Night of Itchy Feet

Last night at bedtime my daughter’s feet were very itchy. Just on the soles. Nothing on the skin to see. No rash, redness, bumps, etc. We tried washing them – she enjoyed scrubbing them with the bath puff, putting anti-itch cream on them, calamine lotion et al but nothing helped. She scratched and scraped them against her wall, the edge of the dresser, the rug, etc. but nothing would relieve the itching. I finally gave her a benedryl and she was able to fall asleep an hour and fifteen minutes after bedtime with me scratching the soles of her feet. Ahhhh I thought, finally relief. I was glad that she was asleep too. Throughout her little itchy episode she got increasingly hysterical and whiny. It was great! I consulted Dr. Google and really got nothing on itchy feet with no outward signs of a rash, other than there are plenty of other people who have had the same problem and don’t know what it is.

OK fast forward to 1 am ish . . . she wakes up again with the itchy feet. This time it’s all the more worse. I’m bleary eyed. She’s totally delirious. Half-asleep from the benedryl and itchier than ever. I tried getting her to put her feet on ice packs but she said they were too cold. So we spent about an hour with me trying to get her to stop screaming and her ordering me to scratch faster. We tried anti-fungal spray but that didn’t do anything either. I tried calling the 24 hour nurse service our Pediatrician offers. They were very busy so no one called back until after we had both fallen asleep again. The nurse was nice but didn’t tell me anything I didn’t already know or suggest anything I hadn’t already tried. She only fell asleep again because I scratched her feet to sleep. I guess she couldn’t fight the remnants of the benedryl anymore and frankly neither could I. I’m not sure what to do now???

I ask you, has this ever happened to you?

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Herman Munster, Cherry Sodas and other thoughts

Herman MunsterI have a confession to make internets. Herman Munster gives me the creeps. I’ve always hated him. His character just bugs. I’m not really charmed by the whole idea of a “lovable buffoon”. To me, buffoons are just annoying. Herman was always surprised and sad when “normal” people were afraid of him and when he broke mirrors just by looking at them. I felt very embarrassed for Herman, he was totally clueless as to how clearly repulsive he was. I would feel a tiny bit of sympathy for poor pathetic ugly Herman but my nice feeling would disappear as soon as he started throwing a fit when he didn’t get his way. Herman was supposed to be the head of the family but acted more like an oversized baby.

I was also enormously distracted by Herman’s makeup. The dark lipstick and heavy pancake on his face made it impossible for me to see anything else. Let’s not even talk about the neck bolts. Fred Gywnne was famously unhappy playing Herman Munster and maybe I was picking up on his discomfort. To this day I can’t stand the sight of black nail polish. it doesn’t matter who is wearing it, Adam Lambert, Elvira or Kate Winslet I see black nail polish and my mind screams “HERMAN”!

I’m not really sure why I find myself mulling over Herman lately. The Munsters was one in a long line of shows that were on TV after school when I was a kid. My brother and I watched them all. We were latch key kids. Him more than me because I was physically unable to open the door to the apartment by myself for a long time. I may have had a key but that didn’t mean that I could open the door. The lock was too tricky for me to figure out. I would get off the bus and then have to wait for him to get home to let me in. I’d go up to our apartment on the 2nd floor and sit on the fake grass doormat with the plastic daisy waiting for Mike until my butt went numb. I really don’t remember having any homework though I know that I did. It is all a big mish-mash in my brain now. I do remember that my parents always had a big bottle of red wine in the house. On family dinner nights my Dad would mix a little red wine with ginger ale and give it to me. We called it “Cherry Soda”. I guess he felt like he was doing the European thing and letting his 10, 11, 12 year old (?? see what I mean, brain mish-mash, Herman Munster-mash) have a little wine was his way of teaching me to be responsible with it. Except I remember being a little irresponsible with it and mixing my own Cherry Sodas when I was home alone after school. I made my own in a much bigger glass too. I don’t really think that I was consciously trying to get drunk, I liked the taste and the fuzzy way that they made me feel. I did that for a while and I don’t really remember why I stopped or when. I don’t think my parents noticed that the wine was missing from the big bottle in the fridge but if they did they probably blamed my brother for it.

I definitely watched too much TV as a kid and probably watch too much now. We had very little choice of what to watch and it taught me to watch stupid stuff that I didn’t really like, i.e. Herman Munster. During college and immediately afterwards when I was feeling very depressed, which was very often back then, I would binge on TV. I remember one day during my senior year of college where I spent the entire 12 hour day watching my little television alone in my room. It made me feel so guilty and stupid but I couldn’t stop myself. I can’t even think of what I was watching in 1988 or what was even on?? I’m much better with it now. I still watch stupid stuff on TV but only if I actually like it.

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Reunion Day II

So it was a very long day in semi-new shoes yesterday. The kind where at the end all you want to do is take your shoes off but you know you can’t until you’re at your final destination. Because once you get them off you will not be able to fit them back in again for at least 6 hours.

The SWAS reunion was fun even if I didn’t know a lot of people there. I’m really glad that I went. I recognized a lot of the faces but either didn’t know or couldn’t remember the names. It was wonderful to see everyone anyway. I still can’t decide if I think that Mike would have gone to this reunion or not. He loved his friends, especially his old ones. Growing up we held our friends very tightly I guess because our family was such a mess. Some of my brother’s classmates told me that they remembered me as a little girl. One of my brother’s very close friends told me that he still thinks of Mike every single day. I told him I thought that Mike would like that. The people we love who die cease to exist unless someone is remembering them.

It was wonderful to see my friend Carolyn again. We had a lot of time to catch up, eat delicious pretzels and pizza and laugh. She lives in Manhattan with her husband and two boys, 7 and 3. We laughed about 7 and the drama of it all. She told me that she had gotten back in touch with a guy we both knew from High School. He was such an extremely shy and nebbishy person back then who always seemed to be on the outside looking in. To be honest I was probably pretty mean to him back then. I was pretty low on the food chain in High School but he was even a bit lower than me. Carolyn said that she’s been back in touch with this guy since and he’s shared some stuff about his life back then. Apparently he lived in a very physically abusive situation at home. It made me so sad to hear that. I was sad that one of my peers had to go through that. I feel ashamed to think that I may have bullied him a little myself. It is so easy for kids (and adults) to cut themselves off from their humanity and not recognize that another person is in pain even when it is so clear to see if you really stop and look.

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Reunion Day

Dancers from Dance Parade 2010

Hubbi Frubiends! I’m blogging to you from big ol’ NYC today. It’s a beautiful day and there are people EVERYWHERE. I’m sitting in the Starbucks at Astor Place, home of non-free WiFi. Boo to that. I’ve got my little cell phone set up and I’m bucking the system as it were. I have a little while before it is time to meet up with my two High School girlfriends. I’m hoping that there will be two. My one friend texted me this morning that she wasn’t feeling well and I told her to take a power nap and let me know later. Sending good thoughts her way. We are going to have dinner and then go to a High School reunion of sorts. I was in an alternative education program in HS called SWAS (which stands for School Within A School) and my friend Mark who was in my brother’s class is having a reunion at his store in the East Village tonight. I wanted to go to represent my brother but I wanted to have some people there who were from my era so I invited some to come with me. When I first entered SWAS in 10th grade in 1982 there were still a lot of hippies and dead heads there. By the time I left in 1984 the future of SWAS was iffy. The Reagan era had started and everyone my age suddenly thought they should be a republican for some reason. SWAS was good for me. It was a much more nurturing environment than I would have had in regular English and Social Studies classes. We didn’t have tests and called our teachers by their first names (how very 70’s that was now that I think of it) and the students had a lot more say in the direction of the classes we had. You were graded on your class participation which was a bit of a struggle for shy me.

The train was very crowded this morning. I almost didn’t get a seat. I sat down on the aisle seat next to a young couple. I chatted with them briefly since they were friendly. Then I noticed the man was reading a copy of AWAKE! magazine which is a publication of the Jehovah’s Witnesses. I was pretty sure that he would manage to give me a copy before the end of the trip and I was right. I had put on my ipod to discourage any further chit chat but he flagged me down as we were pulling to a stop in Grand Central. Everyone’s got an agenda I guess.

I came in early and met my friend Jed for lunch. Jed and I used to date a long time ago. We work a lot better as friends than we ever did as a couple. My brother introduced us when I first moved to Brooklyn. He works here. It is a very cool old place that I would highly recommend visiting. We had yummy asian food and walked out to find a dance parade in Union Square. There are giant groups of people all dancing their way to Tompkins Square. I got some video. It all feels very NY, wacky, big and brightly colored. I don’t feel too much like a country mouse here in the city but I feel like people can tell that I’m kind of a tourist. Oh wait, there’s a gigantic band of kids going by now all playing instruments. When the band stopped marching all the kids with smaller instruments lifted them above their heads and danced while the tubas and drums kept playing. AWESOME!

I’ll try to write more later!

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I think I’m going to have to tell them I have a headache

In my ongoing quest to earn more income for my family I keep a profile on a popular freelancing site. Occasionally “buyers” looking for workers with my skill set will contact me to see if I’m interested in interviewing for their jobs. Earlier this week I was contacted by a buyer interested in finding women who would be willing to take a “female enhancement” product for a month and then write about it in 4 500 word blog entries. The product promises to increase female libido and enhance the sexual experience for the user through a completely safe 100% all natural herbal formula. I was seriously thinking of bidding on the job but then I started having second thoughts. They want a 300 word bio and a photo to go along with the blog entries and I thought it to be a little more anonymous than that, plus I don’t know if I could come with 4 500 word blog entries about being horny? I like feeling sexy as much as the next girl and frankly I could use a little help in the libido department from time to time but I don’t think I’m cut out for this kind of thing. I suppose I could have just made stuff up and used a fake picture and name but I’d still need to figure out how to make up 2300 words worth of fake. At first my husband was kind of interested in me taking part in this project but when he saw the part about having to submit a bio and a picture he said I didn’t have to do it if I didn’t want to.

For a long while after my daughter was born I didn’t exactly feel in the mood as much as I had before. The whole long exhausting experience of being in the hospital for 5 days of labor/cesarean/recovery kind of took all the thrill out of it for me. Having my vagina repeatedly examined, poked and pulled at by practically everyone who came in my room while I was in labor was something I was not prepared for. After the labor was over and the baby was born it didn’t get much better. There was the one nurse who would cheerfully announce her nightly visit with the phrase, “time for me to clean your bottom” right before she wiped me and changed the diaper pad I was laying on. There also was a 6’2″ nurse who had to administer a suppository to alleviate my gas pains. Apparently this isn’t something they let you do yourself. I found the whole thing kind of humiliating.

I had always been someone who enjoyed my more carnal side. I even took some naughty self portraits that have become a little joke between my husband and I. Whenever he picks up a stack of old photos to look through there will invariably be a handful of them in there. I kind of suspect that he’s got them all stashed somewhere and takes a few out from time to time to slip them into circulation just to freak me out. We probably don’t have ahem, relations as often as my husband would like but I’m satisfied with our current frequency (the Saturday night special) and variety. I know that there are ahem, things that he would like me to do more often than I do right now. It was kind of funny actually because we were discussing this very subject last Friday at the end of a very long week and I told him that I’d be happy to oblige him on Saturday night but I was just too tired for any extra curriculars right then and there. The TV was on and at that moment a commercial for BJ’s Wholesale Club came on the screen. It seemed like the whole world was conspiring to remind my husband of what he couldn’t have.

Yeah, I don’t think I’m going to bid on the job after all. It might be fun for a while but the way our schedules are right now if the stuff really worked I fear I’d end up all dressed up with no place to go. Yes, I think I’m going to have to tell them that I have a headache.

Because it is my heart


I know I already posted today but I wanted to share because my beloved Poppy patch got its first bloom today. I love the flaming unreal red of these flowers and their papery petals. It’s always a celebration when they bloom again in May.

I’m trying to be cheerful because my darling child is wearing me out. The poppy helps a little bit but I still could use a hug.

Ozymandias Shoes II?

I just got these and I’m very excited. Maybe they can’t really be classified as true Ozymandias shoes because they are Crocs for goodness sakes but they are a close second. They’re pretty comfy and a great summer shoe alternative for someone like me who hates flip flops and doesn’t like the looks of my toes. Bottom line, they’re making me happy today and I need a little of that right now.