In my ongoing quest to earn more income for my family I keep a profile on a popular freelancing site. Occasionally “buyers” looking for workers with my skill set will contact me to see if I’m interested in interviewing for their jobs. Earlier this week I was contacted by a buyer interested in finding women who would be willing to take a “female enhancement” product for a month and then write about it in 4 500 word blog entries. The product promises to increase female libido and enhance the sexual experience for the user through a completely safe 100% all natural herbal formula. I was seriously thinking of bidding on the job but then I started having second thoughts. They want a 300 word bio and a photo to go along with the blog entries and I thought it to be a little more anonymous than that, plus I don’t know if I could come with 4 500 word blog entries about being horny? I like feeling sexy as much as the next girl and frankly I could use a little help in the libido department from time to time but I don’t think I’m cut out for this kind of thing. I suppose I could have just made stuff up and used a fake picture and name but I’d still need to figure out how to make up 2300 words worth of fake. At first my husband was kind of interested in me taking part in this project but when he saw the part about having to submit a bio and a picture he said I didn’t have to do it if I didn’t want to.
For a long while after my daughter was born I didn’t exactly feel in the mood as much as I had before. The whole long exhausting experience of being in the hospital for 5 days of labor/cesarean/recovery kind of took all the thrill out of it for me. Having my vagina repeatedly examined, poked and pulled at by practically everyone who came in my room while I was in labor was something I was not prepared for. After the labor was over and the baby was born it didn’t get much better. There was the one nurse who would cheerfully announce her nightly visit with the phrase, “time for me to clean your bottom” right before she wiped me and changed the diaper pad I was laying on. There also was a 6’2″ nurse who had to administer a suppository to alleviate my gas pains. Apparently this isn’t something they let you do yourself. I found the whole thing kind of humiliating.
I had always been someone who enjoyed my more carnal side. I even took some naughty self portraits that have become a little joke between my husband and I. Whenever he picks up a stack of old photos to look through there will invariably be a handful of them in there. I kind of suspect that he’s got them all stashed somewhere and takes a few out from time to time to slip them into circulation just to freak me out. We probably don’t have ahem, relations as often as my husband would like but I’m satisfied with our current frequency (the Saturday night special) and variety. I know that there are ahem, things that he would like me to do more often than I do right now. It was kind of funny actually because we were discussing this very subject last Friday at the end of a very long week and I told him that I’d be happy to oblige him on Saturday night but I was just too tired for any extra curriculars right then and there. The TV was on and at that moment a commercial for BJ’s Wholesale Club came on the screen. It seemed like the whole world was conspiring to remind my husband of what he couldn’t have.
Yeah, I don’t think I’m going to bid on the job after all. It might be fun for a while but the way our schedules are right now if the stuff really worked I fear I’d end up all dressed up with no place to go. Yes, I think I’m going to have to tell them that I have a headache.