I almost missed it

I found myself feeling kind of lonely this holiday weekend. I didn’t think ahead and had no plans outside of hanging with my family, going to the Flea Market with them on Saturday and barbecuing for them on Sunday. It was the most gorgeous Memorial Day Weekend I can think of in a long time. We had a beautiful day on the Monday last year but this year it was nice on Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday. The weather outside just made me feel a little worse about not having anything really “special” to do. As I find myself getting more into my blogging and Twitter and Facebook I find that I’m craving some analog friend time. I’ve had issues with loneliness throughout my life. It’s always been hard for me to make friends and as I get older it doesn’t get any easier. I think it just gets harder. When I am out in social situations these days, especially ones that don’t involve my daughter, I feel like I’m always just the friend of a friend. I wish I were a more social person so that I could model that type of life for my daughter. I had a shy mom and I was a shy kid. My daughter can be shy and has a hard time with change. I just want her to have the skill set that helps her when her friends change around. I had a really hard time transitioning from 6th grade in elementary school to 7th grade in Junior High. Most of my friends met new friends and formed new groups and I was stuck wanting everything to be the way that it was before. It wasn’t until I started doing theater in 8th grade that I found a new way to make friends. I want things to be easier for her. Anyway all these lonely feelings came down on me early on Sunday morning. I was loading the laundry into the washer and just got so sad. I told Glenn about it and he hugged me and made me feel a little better. Later on he was going out for a bike ride and he had set up a lawn chair for me to watch Piper from as she played in the sprinkler. She asked me if I wanted to go in the sprinkler too. I really didn’t. The thought of finding a bathing suit that I was happy with and then putting it on to run around my side yard in full view of the street frankly did not thrill me. Who in their right mind would want to put on a bathing suit when their gut protrudes further than their bust? But she really wanted me to do it and so I did. We had an absolute blast playing and dancing in the water. I had a really fun time. We ran through it and played limbo in it and challenged each other to get as wet as possible and then to keep as dry as possible. We even prepared a little skit to do for Glenn when he got back from his ride. After rehearsing it a couple of times we decided to give the water a rest and dry off on the towels on the grass a little bit. We watched the clouds in the sky and tried to see what we could see. Then she turned to me and said, “Aren’t you glad you didn’t miss this Mommy?” And I was, I was very glad that I didn’t miss it.

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