To my fellow drivers and other messages

Hello Everyone,

I’d like to say that we’ve been getting along fine out there for a while now but there are a few of you I’d like to have a few words with.

Mr. Dark Blue Pick Up Truck making the left hand turn onto the highway ramp

Hi there. It’s me, Red Minivan. Remember when you almost creamed me today? You thought you’d try to beat the red light to make the left hand turn across oncoming traffic. Unfortunately I was in your way. Here’s a tip, next time when you see a yellow light it means that it is time to s l o w  d o w n and come to a stop. Don’t just start to slow down and then change your mind and try to floor it across three lanes of traffic to get to the ramp. The highway isn’t going anywhere. It will wait for your light to turn green again. When I saw you almost about to crash into me I honked my horn and asked you what was wrong with you. I think I saw a look of disgust on your face. I think you know that you did wrong. Just want you to know that you made me burst into tears and cry for a mile or two after our little encounter. I was already having kind of a crappy day to begin with so I don’t totally blame you for making me cry but don’t ever do that to me again (or anyone else for that matter). I have typed. We’ll not speak of this again.

Owner of the car with the license plate frame that says, “DAUGHTER OF A FALLEN NYC FIREFIGHTER”.

First let me say that I am sorry for your loss but seeing this sign on your car has had me thinking since I saw it a couple of weeks ago. OK, I can understand that you want to honor your father. It would seem that he died in the line of duty and that is definitely something to respect and be thankful for. I have nothing but the utmost admiration for Firefighters, especially NYC Firefighters. Who am I to judge someone in grief? But I’m left wondering, who is this message really for?

Mr. Tan Pick Up Truck with the “America, Land of the Round Eyes” bumper sticker.

I have no words for you. I’m not sure how I manage to keep myself from rear ending your vehicle every time I see it in front of me.

And one more message to my Dear Neighbor with the overgrown furry plant in their front yard . . .

Hey, that thing growing on your lawn isn’t a giant weed with bark on it. It is not an extremely tall shrub. It is a tree. A cottonwood, I think. You used to care about it. I remember when you dug it a little bed and planted it there. Little trees do not magically grow into big majestic trees all on their own. You actually have to shape them and help them grow tall. Either prune the poor thing or chop it down before I feel compelled to run it over with my car.

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