So it begins . . .

My Mom has cancer. She has Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. She’s had pain in her leg on and off for a while but it started to get much much worse about a month ago. She went to the Doctor who did an MRI and they found a large mass. It is pressing on the nerves in her leg and it is what is causing her pain. A biopsy said it was Lymphoma. When she first told me about the tumor that all I could think was, so it begins. Both of my parents have been very physically healthy up to this point. They are very lucky. I hope the luck isn’t going to run out now.

It really makes me sad that my brother is not here for her now. It also makes me mad that he is not here for me now either. She really misses him now and nothing I can do will ever fill her need. My dad is having to take on a lot at home now which is what he should be doing. My mom can’t really move too well because of her leg. He’s complained to me that she’s telling him what to do, down to the simplest detail. It’s just payback time as far as I can see. He’s been telling her what to do for the last 50+ years and now it’s her turn.

I’m going out there tomorrow and will be there when she starts her antibody treatment on Monday. I’m looking forward to meeting her doctor and I hope to have a chance to talk to her. My parents have a way of fudging up the facts. It’s a lot for them to take in at once. I imagine my mother is totally overwhelmed and my dad is not a good listener. This is ironic of course because he is a Psychotherapist. All I keep thinking about is if my mom ends up passing away before my dad I will probably have to kill him. I don’t know how I’ll deal with him all on my own.

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2 thoughts on “So it begins . . .

  1. Gail Hunter says:

    That’s a very powerful title, and I understand it fully. We have both been given rather dismal medical news recently…and “so it begins”. Men frequently are at a loss about how to deal with a sick wife; she had been the “giver” for so long. Frankly, I think it’s fear. I wish you all the strength you can muster during this terrible time, and I hope your mother finds something to ease her pain. I’ll be thinking of you, and her.

  2. Michael M. says:

    I recently went through a year of treatment for cancer. I don’t know what kind of relationship your parents have, but I think it was tougher on my wife than on me, and I think that’s common. A lot of that may have to do with the fact that we have young kids, so my wife had to take up a lot of the slack, and there is the fear (it remains) of the prospect of raising kids on your own. But the spouse/caregiver not only has to shoulder a lot, they also are helpless. They can’t make the cancer go away, they can’t make you feel better during chemo, and so they have to stand by and watch. I guess that would apply to you, too. It’s tough–but it’s doable. Good luck to your mom. Attitude is a big part of it.

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