Tag Archives: Thankful

Here Again

We are here again. There have been 12 years of after in between then and now. There have been many tragic events around the world since then and inumerable happy ones. This year I want to focus on what I am most thankful for.

Thankful List

  1. My beautiful daughter and husband
  2. My health
  3. We have a loving home and my kid gets to grow up in it
  4. My friends and family (especially my in-laws)
  5. My mom beating cancer
  6. I am employed
  7. I still have a sense of humor
  8. My husband still has a sense of humor
  9. My daughter is a theater kid
  10. The kindness of strangers
  11. My sweet cats even though they are destroying the loveseat

I love you all, even the haters. Hug everyone today. Be kind.


Tagged ,

The Names and A Very Bright Spot

The Names
I listened to the names today. It took forever for my work computer to get through the “buffering” because I guess the wnyc site was getting a lot of requests at the same time. I was patient and was able to hear about 3/4’s of them. It’s amazing how easy it is to get back to that sad place that I was lost in for so long. I felt pretty good this year in the days leading up to today. But now that the day is here I’m feeling the cut especially deeply after losing Mike. Many of the name readers spoke personally about how they still miss their loved ones as strongly as ever. I don’t have a lot of experience with grief like this but I guess that the feeling never fades. I can’t help but thinking that 9/11 was the beginning of some kind of end for him. He really took it personally I think. When they attacked his beloved NYC in such a vicious way whatever faith he had in the fundamental goodness of people was attacked as well. It was hard for him to really find hope after it happened. I don’t think that he was looking hard enough.

A Very Bright Spot
I received a phone call from my daughter’s teacher today. She said that she did her reading assessments with the class today and that P tested beyond the parameters of her test. The top level of her test is a 28 which is an advanced 2nd grade reading level. P tested at a 44 which is a 4th – 5th grade reading level. Her teacher seemed very excited by this and was telling me about the plan they are putting together for P. I’m so proud of my little baby!! This is definitely a very bright spot in an otherwise sad and somber day. This is something that gives ME hope and helps me to be excited about the future. I can’t wait to see what she’s going to do.

Tagged , , ,

Pony rides are the best medicine

Yesterday we visited a local farm. P got to pet a furry brown goat, feed a baby lamb, pet fluffy bunnies and have a pony ride. Her smile was eight miles wide the whole time. It beamed its happiness into my heart. I’m getting so so tired of being sad. I needed a little smile beam from my baby.



If my brother hadn’t gone and done this insane thing I know I would have been bitching and moaning about the whole trip to my parent’s house and it makes me feel so petty and guilty about it now. I would gladly take the four hour car trip and listening to my dad and brother arguing over nothing to this bizzaro-world alternative. Let this be a lesson to you internets. Hindsight is 20/20 and the perspective from this end is a real kick in the ass.



I’ve been receiving emails and phone calls from many of my brother’s old friends from grade school through to High School. Without fail they’ve all told me that they were in regular (sometimes daily) contact with him. None of them had any inkling that he was going to do this. Without fail they’ve all told me how much they loved him and what a special person he was. And without fail they’ve told me that if they had known they would dropped everything to be by his side in the deep dark hole he’d fallen into. They would have carried him out on their backs.



This is such an unbelievable waste.
Tagged , ,


I left work early on Wednesday, went to my favorite store and bought food to make a small Thanksgiving for us at home. My oven doesn’t work so I had to get a pre-cooked turkey breast and make everything on the stove top. We felt that we had to make something out of the holiday for the sake of P. When the three of us sat at the table and started putting food on our plates she said that we couldn’t eat yet. Not until we had said our thanks. She then instructed us to clasp our hands together and led us in the little poem they say before lunchtime at her school.

Thank you for the food we eat
Thank you for the friends we meet
Thank you for our work and play
Thank you for our sunny day
Hello everybody
How are you
How are you
How are you
Hello everybody
How are you
We’re so happy that you’re here

I just love her so much. So very very much.


Tagged ,

Two Moms

Mrs. Potter
Ever since we moved into our house six years ago we have been friendly with our across the street neighbor, Mrs. Potter. Mrs. Potter is a widow (her Elwood died in 1987) and her only daughter is physically disabled and had to be put in a nursing home round about the time we moved in. Mrs. Potter couldn’t take care of her at home anymore. Her daughter never married and doesn’t have her own family. Mrs. Potter turned 90 this past May and has watched most of her own family and friends pass away as she’s gotten older. Despite her age she was always busy. She drove to visit her daughter twice a week and was always running errands. We’d see her backing out of her driveway and cruise down the street at a brisk 8 mph. I always felt for her and we’ve tried to include her in our lives and in our family. I would always invite her to our family events at home and every Halloween her house was always our first official stop. I would call her if I didn’t see her for a while and try to stop in for a visit (though I hadn’t done that in a long time). I felt that she could be me years on down the road. She was lonely for her daughter and for her husband – whom she hadn’t seen in 20 years! The last couple of years were hard for her as she got older and older she started worrying about her daughter more and more. She wanted to be sure that she would be taken care of if anything happened to her.

Anyhoo, we noticed that she wasn’t around recently and I started to get worried. I called the local police and they said that she had gone into the hospital. I tried calling all the local hospitals but none of them had her listed as a patient. I finally found a name of one of her friends and found out that she had had a stroke and was in the same nursing home as her daughter. I’m glad that they are together now but apparently Mrs. Potter has lost some of her faculties. Her friend said that she doesn’t always recognize her when they visit. We have to go and visit her too. She’ll probably never come home again. I guess that it is just the cycle of life but I’m sad for her. I wish her peace.

Karen’s Mom
Speaking of Mom’s. My friend Karen’s Mom passed away suddenly on Wednesday. She was 61 years old and had only retired one month ago. She had a stroke on Tuesday and overnight into Wednesday just deteriorated completely and died. Needless to say Karen is in total shock. She called me on Wednesday morning and told me and I just can’t stop thinking about it. Today is the wake and tomorrow is the funeral. I called her yesterday to check on her and she said that she was holding it together a little better. She and her Father had gone to their family’s church for a service and it helped her to feel more peaceful about everything. Her son is my daughter’s age and he asked her why all these family members and friends were visiting them. She didn’t want to say that it was because “Grandma died”, cause that sounded too sad. She told him that they were coming to celebrate Grandma’s life. He said, that since it was a celebration they definitely needed some decorations and proceeded to go about making them.



This makes me so sad. James Kim was a truly brave and resourceful man. He obviously loved his family so very much. I was really hoping for good news, a miracle but it wasn’t to be. My heart goes out to his family, they have been through so much already.


All in All

All in all it was a very good Thanksgiving holiday this year. P really got into it this time. She ate a little “chicken” but I decided that I wasn’t going to rip my hair out about it. She never eats very well when we’re away visiting. We had the big meal at Besta’s house and we slept at my sister-in-law’s that night. It was very cozy in their den though my brother-in-law keeps a large python in a glass tank down there. The tank has very large metal clips on it to hold the top down. The snake still made G clearly very nervous though. P is not afraid of it and we talked to the snake everytime we went by. The next morning we hung around with them a little bit. P and her cousin made sprinkle cookies (always a huge hit) and we tried to keep them both from coughing all over everything. We went back to Besta’s that afternoon to see my parents (they couldn’t come on Thursday because it was raining and my Dad has to monitor the leaks in his roof – he’s a little wacky to say the least) and we had a whole ‘nother Thanksgiving meal. Besta had made two turkeys the day before so it worked out very well. The food was delicious yet again but I can’t say the same for the company. Far-Far pulled out a videotape of a family picnic from 1998 and you know that when something like that happens, it never means good things. We slept at Besta’s that night and P had her very best night of sleep while visiting ever! She must have been really tired. The night before was pretty bad, it took her forever to calm down and then she was flipping around and kicking us in the head. But Friday night was like a dream. Yesterday we spent the morning at Besta’s and had a little lunch (yes, turkey again) before heading out to our friend’s house for some real playdate-adult time. It was great to sit with friends and drink wine and watch the kids play. P was very good playing with their two daughters (aged 2-1/2 and 4-1/2). They have some really cool Little Tykes A-Frame dollhouse stuff that made me think we’ve got to upgrade her a bit (she’s got a little people dollhouse from 2 christmases ago) . . . . Anyway we were all home again by 10:00 and P curled right up in her bed and went to sleep. She NEVER does that so again, she must have been really tired. All in all I’d say it was a really good Thanksgiving and now it’s back to reality . . . oiy! I’ll tell you more about that later.

Tagged , ,

Thankful to be home

Finally home again!! Hooray!! P did the car to bed transition thing like a champ tonight. Probably one of her best ever. Bless her heart. She probably knew we didn’t have any more in us.

I’ll write more tomorrow.

Tagged ,

A story in which a daughter visits her mother’s office and the mother gives thanks.

I brought P to my office yesterday. She’s been suffering with a bad cold and I told her teacher to call me if it didn’t seem like she was feeling well. When they called they also said that P had some wierd red rash creeping up her back so, I got us an appointment to see the doctor at 1:45. I didn’t want to get stuck over the long weekend with her being really sick. There was time to kill in between so she came back to my office with me. I really had only one thing that absolutely had to get done yesterday and that was pretty much done already. I let P take over my computer while I ate my lunch. She turned to me and told me that she had to go to the bathroom so off we went. She peed, she pooped, it was grand. Fast forward to 1:15ish – I figure that it is going to take us a while to get out of there so I tell P that we have to turn off the computer now. She’s totally engrossed but suprisingly doesn’t give me any trouble about it. She helps me to turn off the computer. I say my Holiday goodbyes and wish my co-worker a very happy birthday (Happy Birthday Lil!) and turn to see P grabbing at her butt. She’s squatting and saying, “Mommy, there are bumps in my pants!”. I am totally clueless at this point. I can’t imagine what is going on in there – I thought she might just have a killer wedgie or something. She and I run back into the bathroom only to discover that she pooped in her pants. This is extremely unusual for her – she’s been totally potty trained for over a year now. She thinks the whole thing is extremely hilarious. Oh, the novelty of it all – I get to go to Mommy’s office and poop in my pants!! Now, I have to open the bathroom door a crack, so no one will see my bare assed child dancing around the bathroom, and ask my very sweet co-worker to bring me her bag from school. Thank goodness I took it when I picked her up because there’s a change of clothes in there. We get her into her Care Bear underwear (she insists she wants to show everyone before we put her pants on but I win that one) and come back out to my desk to put her shoes back on. Now I’m cranking to get us out of there in time. The doctor’s office is extremely close by but still I don’t want to be late. She gets her shoes on and I’m gathering our stuff. We walk back towards the bathroom and suddenly she points and says, “Mommy look!”. To my complete horror and embarassment I see that we’ve left a little trail of turds leading up to the bathroom door. The carpet is industrial brown and it is amazing how well it camouflages crap – the things you learn everyday. So, I scoop up the turds and we finally get out of there. I can believe that no one else saw the poops but I can’t believe that no one else stepped in the poop. Like my boss for example. Or my nice co-worker who brought us her school bag – or the birthday girl? No one did and for that I am truly thankful.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone. Give thanks.

Tagged , ,


Yesterday the three of us were driving to P’s gymnastics class and listening to Laurie Berkner’s Under the Shady Tree. The song Mahalo came on. The song explains that “Mahalo means thank you”. G and I were saying Mahalo for a bunch of silly things trying to get P to laugh. She had just been crying because she didn’t want to get in the car. Whenever we need to leave to go somewhere on the weekend she starts stalling like it’s bedtime. She’ll want to wear her slippers out on a rainy day, she needs to run around outside before getting in the car, etc. Once in the car she has to be allowed to get into the seat her way, herself. She also insists on trying to buckle herself in – damn you Little Einsteins! It’s a little better during the week but not much. Yesterday we were late, as usual, so I had to scoop her up just as she was about to begin a leisurely petting session with Nigel (one of our cats). Big honking tears ensued. It’s not just going places with her either. Lately she’s been giving me a hard time leaving school. She starts crying that she misses her teacher even before we’ve exited the building. The other day she skipped her nap so she was extremely tired and wired at going home time. She cried for Miss Lisa until she fell asleep halfway through the ride home. When we arrived G started unbuckling her to take her out of the car and the first thing out of her mouth was “Miss Lisa”. I like Miss Lisa too. She is very sweet with the kids and seems to genuinely like P. She also has excellent hair. I always feel so mean-mommy when I have to strong arm her into her seat because she doesn’t want to leave school. What mother wouldn’t want their child to love school? It’s just that she’s starting to sound like one of those patriotic conservatives who say “America, love it or leave it”.

So, considering this recent history imagine my absolute heart melting delight when I asked her what she said Mahalo for and she said,

“I say Mahalo for Mommy”.

Tagged ,